What is intimacy?

in our last conversation just a few days before he died, Reb Zalman said he was prepared to add his signature to my rabbinic ordination document because when i led prayer i made myself NOCHACH PNEI HASHEM. he was quoting Lamentations 2:19:

שִׁפְכִי כַּמַיִם לִיבֵּך נוֹכַח פְּנֵי ײַ
“Pour out your heart like water before the face of YHVH.”  

“Before.” NOCHACH/נוֹכַח means “present.” in Hebrew grammar, NOCHACH is used to indicate the second person “you.” it is distinguished from NISTAR/נִסְתָּר, the “hidden” third person. I am here, with You, now; neither you nor i are out of view, off-camera, backstage. this powerful contraction-connection, this (al)chemical bond is represented by the hyphen in i-thou. contact and context.

“Before the face.” PNEI/פְּנֵי means “face.” LIFNEI to face or before; to interface. if NOCHACH locates our presence in space-time, PNEI locates our simultaneity in time-space.

“Before the face of YHVH.” this god-name-§ignifier collapses all conjugations (past-present-future) of the verb הָיָה/“to be, to exist, to have, to happen” into the unpronounceable Name/יהוה, signifying the inconceivable divine complete simultaneity of what was–what is–what becomes. G.O.D. as Generator, Operator, Destroyer of all space, time, and soul; all conceivable and unconceivable qualities and quantities. total Being and (un)utter(able) Emptiness.

prayerful presence then may mean: Be Here (With Me) Now.

this intimacy is a process and pulsing posture of PNEIMIUT/פְּנִימִיּוּת, interiority. we are beguiled by the surface while guided evermore deeply into paroxysms of paradox. somehow absolutely simple yet unendingly complex. extra-ordinary. non-conceptual, embodied, re-membered.  

by being here we are everywhere. 
by Being, now, we are forevermore. 

by choosing what is we accept what may be. 
by receiving the given we are given what comes. 

by speaking the ineffable we hear the silent inexpressible. 
in listening, we hear; in seeing, we see through. 

saying I AM, 
we are.